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Manage Your Separation with Serenity
A guide to organizing the end of living together, whether you are married, in a civil partnership, or cohabiting. Explore solutions for children, assets, and financing this new stage of life.
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Understanding Separation: A New Beginning to Organize
Separation is a profound reorganization of family and personal life. Unlike divorce, which only concerns married couples, separation can affect all forms of union. Preparing for it well is essential to maintain a peaceful atmosphere and find fair solutions for everyone.
The pillars of a well-managed separation:
- The legal framework: Understanding the differences between de facto separation, legal separation (for married couples), and the end of a civil partnership.
- Arrangements for the children: Establishing custody and child support arrangements that prioritize their well-being.
- Dividing the assets: Organizing the distribution of common property (house, accounts, furniture) based on your status (married or cohabiting).
- Financial management: Anticipating the costs associated with the separation (moving, legal fees, buying out a share…) and readjusting your budget.
- Building the future: Laying clear foundations to allow each person to rebuild personally and financially.
This page guides you through each aspect to allow you to:
- Clarify the options and procedures suitable for your situation.
- Establish a stable organization for your children.
- Understand how to approach the division of your assets and debts.
A well-informed separation is a separation better lived. Take the time to understand the issues to make the fairest choices for your future.
Clear information for a peaceful transition
The Different Forms of Separation: What is Your Situation?
How you organize your separation depends on your legal status. Here are the scenarios:
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De facto separation: This is the starting point for all couples. You stop living together. This state has no legal value in itself, but it is the first step that can lead to more formal proceedings.
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The end of a civil partnership: For legal cohabitants, the separation is formalized by a simple written declaration to the municipality. Agreements concerning assets and children must be settled separately (amicably or through the court).
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Legal separation (for married couples): A judicial procedure that allows you to live separately and divide your assets without actually divorcing. The duties of fidelity and support remain. This is a rare situation, often chosen for personal or religious reasons.
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Mediation: This is a valuable tool for all types of separation. An impartial mediator helps you find customized agreements for children, finances, and assets, thus avoiding a lengthy conflict in court.
A lawyer or mediator can help you choose the most suitable path and secure your agreements.
The Key Steps to a Successful Separation
Regardless of your situation, a well-structured separation generally follows a logical path.
1. Decision & Dialogue
The first step is making the decision. Ideally, communication is established to discuss the future and the need to get organized.
2. Information & Advice
Consult a professional (lawyer, notary, mediator) to understand your rights and obligations specific to your situation (married, cohabiting…).
3. Temporary Arrangements
Set up temporary arrangements: who leaves the home, how to manage joint accounts, and immediate custody of the children.
4. Negotiating Agreements
This is the negotiation phase to reach a lasting agreement on child custody, division of assets, and any potential alimony or child support.
5. Official Formalization
The agreements are formalized in a separation (or divorce) agreement. Depending on the case, it will be approved by a judge, a notary, or filed with the municipality.
Appropriate support simplifies these steps and helps you build a serene future on solid foundations.
Arrangements for the Children: Preserving their Stability
Whatever the couple’s situation, the children’s best interests remain the top priority. The principles are the same:
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Joint parental authority: This is the rule. Both parents retain the right and duty to make important decisions for their children together (health, schooling, education…).
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Shared custody (alternating residence): The most common model, where the child lives alternately with each parent, is often favored by courts if it is feasible and in the child’s best interest.
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Primary residence and visitation rights: The child lives primarily with one parent, and the other parent has regular visitation and custody rights (for example, one weekend out of two and half of the school holidays).
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Child support: A sum of money paid by one parent to the other to cover the costs of the children’s maintenance and education. Its calculation is based on each parent’s income, the children’s needs, and the custody arrangements.
An amicable agreement is always preferable. If it is impossible, the family court will decide based on the child’s well-being.
Dividing the Assets: Clarifying the Financial Situation
Separation involves settling financial matters. The method varies greatly depending on whether you were married or cohabiting.
1. Determine the Couple’s Status
Are you married (under what regime?), in a civil partnership, or cohabiting? This question is the foundation for everything. For cohabitants, the rule is often “each takes back their own property,” except for assets purchased in joint ownership.
2. Inventory Assets and Debts
List all assets (accounts, house, car…) and liabilities (loans). For cohabitants, it is crucial to prove who financed what if nothing is in writing. The intervention of a notary is essential in the case of joint real estate.
3. Find Sharing Solutions
The options are the same for everyone: sell the property and share the balance, one partner buys out the other’s share (the “buyout payment”), or remain in joint ownership temporarily. Agreement is the simplest and least expensive way.
Legal and notarial advice is essential to secure the division and avoid future conflicts.
They organized their separation: A new beginning
“As legal cohabitants, we thought everything would be complicated for the house we had bought together. Our notary helped us draft a clear agreement. I was able to get a loan to buy out her share, and things were done simply, without going to court.”
“The separation was tense, especially for our son. Opting for family mediation was the best decision. The mediator helped us focus on what was best for him. We reached a custody agreement that works well and avoided a contentious divorce.”
The keys to a successful transition:
- Communication to find amicable solutions as much as possible.
- Using the right professionals (notary, mediator) depending on your situation.
- Financial clarity to anticipate costs and secure everyone’s future.
A well-prepared separation is the first step towards a peaceful personal and family reconstruction.
Separation FAQ
Find answers to frequently asked questions about the separation of married and unmarried couples here. This information will help you see more clearly the steps to take.
Separation is the act of no longer living together. It can concern all couples (married or not). Divorce is the legal act that ends a marriage. A married couple first separates (de facto separation), then can initiate divorce proceedings to officially dissolve the marriage bond. Unmarried couples do not divorce; they separate and organize the consequences of their breakup.
If you bought a house together without being married, you are in joint ownership. For the division, several options exist:
- Sell the property: You sell the house and share the remaining sum after paying off the loan, in proportion to your respective shares (often 50/50).
- One buys out the other’s share: One partner pays a “buyout payment” to the other to become the sole owner. This often requires a new loan.
- Draft an agreement: A notary can help you draft a detailed division agreement to avoid any conflict. This is highly recommended.
If you cannot reach an agreement, you will have to go to court for a judge to order the division (often through a public auction).
Not always. It depends on your situation and your level of agreement:
- Legal cohabitants: The breakup is done by a simple declaration to the municipality. The judge only intervenes in case of disagreement over children or property.
- De facto cohabitants: There is no official procedure for the separation itself. The judge only intervenes if there is a conflict to resolve.
- Married couples: For a divorce by mutual consent, the agreements are validated by the judge (or a notary in some countries). For a contentious divorce, going before a judge is mandatory.
In any case, if you have children, it is strongly advised to have your agreements approved by the family court to give them enforceable power.
Legal separation is a judicial procedure reserved for married couples. It allows them to no longer have the obligation to live together and to separate their assets as in a divorce. However, the marriage bond is not broken. The spouses remain married and still owe each other fidelity, support, and assistance. It is a fairly rare legal situation, which can later be converted into a divorce.
This depends on your country’s legislation and the type of divorce. In Belgium, for example, for a divorce on grounds of irretrievable breakdown:
- If the request is made jointly by both spouses, a de facto separation of more than 6 months is required.
- If the request is made by only one spouse, they must prove a de facto separation of more than one year.
For a divorce by mutual consent, no minimum separation period is required. The important thing is that the spouses agree on everything.